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Eat My Shorts
A Brief Collection of Nifty Little Shorts
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ISBN-10: 1-55404-532-0
Genre: Science Fiction/Humor/Speculative
eBook Length: 116 Pages
Published: January 2008

From inside the flap

We live in an era of artificial impressions. We are being bombarded by enhanced bass response in sound systems that can be heard through brick walls five blocks away on a dark and stormy night. The dB invasion has attacked us in music, movies, and television to the point of being painful and actually damaging to our physical well-being. Our vision is exposed to impossible characters, creatures, and critters of all sorts moving before us so realistically presented that our senses are operating in a condition of overload. Our imaginations are slowly being pounded into a mass of pulpy numbness by computer-generated images and sounds. The thrill of conjuring mental pictures of monsters, things, and dark night visits from the mysterious shadows of nearby and far away places by ghouls, ghosts, vampires, werewolves, aliens and aunty Millicent has been largely replaced by geeks tinkering with ones and zeroes.

Take back the darkness and chill of the misty night! Take charge of the mystery and fantasy within you! Let your spirit rise as the Phoenix from the ashes of your shattered present! Regain the independence that only your imagination can give you! Reestablish your right to form your own visions and sounds! Read! And, by all means, read what follows. It is a great beginning for retrieving your life.

Eat My Shorts (Excerpt)

Table of Contents

A Rip in the Sky

The Anchor Light Bar - No. 1 in the Gus Tucker Series

Gnawing Problem

Remembering Sean OíBrien

Charlieís Place

The Rider

The Reality of Dreams

The Power

Gorkan of Milaíam

In His Bones

Where the Rivers Meet

Holy Law of Refraction and the Index Thereof


Mind Mender

Histories of the World - No. 3 in the Gus Tucker Series



Abe Peterson, a kindly gentlemen in his early nineties-still bright of eye and keen of mind-has a hobby. That it pays a little doesnít take it out of the casual pastime category. He follows the air shows around the country and volunteers his services as a greeter, explainer, and storyteller. He is uniquely qualified for this little task. See, Abe joined what was known as the Army Air Corps back in 1937. He changed uniforms to USAF blue when the new organization was established and stayed with it until they were forced to retire him, much against Abeís will, in 1982. Since then, heís been a permanent fixture at the shows. Just now heís working the show in Wichitaw, Kansas. Come on, letís join the crowd and see whatís going on.

"Hi there, folks," he says. "Welcome to the air show. Hope you have a really good time out here today. My nameís Abe Peterson and this beautiful red bird Iím standing next to is a P51-D." He pats the fuselage lovingly. "Well, letís say itís a very modified and special P51-D. Itís powered by a Packard built Rolls-Royce Merlin, sixty degree, V-twelve engine. The same engine that powered it during the Second World War, except itís got a heck of a lot more horsepower today than it did back then."

He walks with an uncertain, bowlegged gate out to the wingtip and lays a brown spotted hand on it. "The wings on this baby have been clipped soís the wingspanís about the same as its length. They shorten the wings to speed up the roll rate-soís it can duck around the pylons in a flash, like this, you see." He holds out his palm, snaps it from the horizontal to the vertical and makes a quick left turn with his hand to demonstrate the idea.

A young boy, powdered in freckles by the millions, his tousled red hair dancing in the hot wind, steps out of the crowd and approaches Abe. "Hey, mister, did you ever fly a plane like this one?" the lad says, his blue eyes flashing reflections of the azure sky above.

"I...huh? Whatís that, son?"

"Did you ever fly a plane like this?"

"Did I ever fly a plane like this? You bet I did, but that was a long time ago. Now all they let me do is-"

"Did you wanna fly when you were a kid?"

"What? Did I want to fly when I was a kid? Nope, I canít say that I ever wanted to fly when I was your age. Itís not because I didnít want to, but rather because I didnít know that I could not want to."

"Huh?" the boy says, his face contorted with confusion.

"Iím sorry, son. I donít reckon you could understand what I just tried to tell you. It was simply that I didnít know I had a choice. That is, not until Mr. Dietrich came along and ripped a big hole in the sky-a hole into which I happily fell. Now that, my boy, was a day, Iíll tell you. A day I most likely will never, ever forget."

"Whoís Mr. Dietrich?"

"Whatís that, son?"

"Whoís Mr. Dietrich, aní howíd he rip the sky?"

"Aha, you want me to tell you about Mr. Dietrich, do you? Well, son, thatís sort of a long story, but I suppose thereís no harm in taking the time to tell it." Abe leans down and whispers in the boyís ear. "See, Iím so old that the only thing I can do now is stand out here and welcome folks to the show. I donít mind that, though, because I get to follow the show circuit, stay close to my pets, and get paid a little something for doing it." Abe looks up from the boy to the crowd milling around.

"If youíll excuse me folks, Iím going to take a little break and have a chat with my young friend here. Come on, son, letís go over there where we can sit a spell under the wing of that C-45 while I tell you all-l-l about Mr. Dietrich and that wonderful day."

Abe lays his microphone down carefully on the wing and unhooks the red velvet covered rope surrounding the P-51. Smiling, he drapes an arm around the boyís shoulder and guides him toward a couple of plastic lawn chairs in the shade under the wing of a twin-engined, silver bird.

"Whatís your name, son?" Abe asks as he ducks under the wing.

"Um...Chuck, sir." the boy responds.

"Chuck, is it? Well, all right, Chuck, you take that chair right there-grab a soda out of the ice chest, if you want-and weíll get started."

Abe hauls the other chair a little farther into the shadow and sits down with some effort.

"Okay, now, where to begin? I guess Iíll start with the sky. You see, time was when the sky was just there. During the day it was a bright blue blanket that covered over everything and, when night settled in for its turn, why, all that blue turned to black, penetrated by needle-sharp points of bright that they sort of stabbed at your eyes. Those points of light change their arrangement as time passes, but they always come back to the same place at the same time every year, just like I do. If you watchíem long enough you can tell what time of year it is, right down to the month, and some folks can even tell you the week-sometimes even the day.

"They always do that, the stars do. Even today, you just canít see it happen as well as I could when I was a lad of your years. Too many people scared of the dark and other folk are putting up all kinds of lights these days soís you canít see the night like we could-especially here in the city.

"Anyways, about the sky. Once in a while, clouds would drift by and, sometimes, theyíd take over for a time, but they were always temporary-just puffy, wet visitors passing through on their way to the east, usually. And there were times when the clouds were tinged sort of a dark, greenish-gray and their bottoms looked like a thick, boiling soup. That was a signal to find a good place-a solid place-to hide yourself because you could bet an angry funnel would drop out of that churning, unsettled ceiling and scour the ground clean wherever it touched. But through it all, there was the sky...biggest thing around, it was.

"There was simply nothing that could compete with the sky, Chuck. Oh, sure, a tree or a windmill could poke up into it. Birds, mainly crows where I lived, would fly through it, and buzzards would soar around in long, lazy circles in it, but they certainly werenít any kind of competition. Yep, the sky was always there to fill your eyes, lest you were lying íneath a big oak stuffed full of summer leaves that would hide most of it from you, but there werenít many of those around.

"We had two big oaks out in our front yard. There was another tree, a scrawny little thing, out back of the house, but none of us could say what it was. All we could say about it was that it sure was no oak. Dad kept saying he was going to cut it down and stack its remains to dry soís we could use it for fuel the following year, but he never did-but Iím getting away from my story, huh?

"Anyways, I was born and raised on a farm out in the middle of all that sky, Chuck, where the ground was as flat as flat can be-and the only thing between me and the sky was corn and oats and wheat. When we were between crops there was nothing but that big old sky from horizon to horizon in every direction. Nothing got in its way.

"It was on such a day, when there wasnít a single cloud in the sky, that I saw it. The corn stalks had all been cut down and plowed under and the new planting was still a few weeks away, when along came Mr. Dietrich. Now, before I tell you this, I want to you to know that thereís something very strange in my story, but every word of itís true, I swear."

"Something strange? You gonna tell me what it is?"

"Nope, Iím not going to tell you what it is. I want you to think about it and look into it and next year, when I come back to this same spot, you can tell me what you found out and what you think it means, okay?"

"That ainít fair."

"What? Sure itís fair. Canít have everybody do everything for you-canít learn much that way, can you?

"Anyways, my folks went into town-a long way from home-early that morning for a meeting of some kind and my dad told me to open a few of the gates in the canal about noon to wet the ground a little for the second plowing. So, there I was, out there in the middle of all that sky and just about at the irrigation canal, which put me almost two miles from the house, when I heard this horrible grinding sound. Wasnít like anything Iíd ever heard-sounded almost like someone tearing a tablecloth in half, only a lot louder-and I havenít heard anything like it since.

"Out there in the field there was nothing to make echoes, so I knew where the sound was coming from and I turned to look in that direction. Up there in all that blue there was what looked like a rip in the sky. The edges of it were all raggedy and wobbling íround like a sheet of real thin plastic-you know, like the kind you wrap sandwiches in these days. Inside the tear it was blacker than night and out of it came something that I couldnít see very well because it was still too far away. Then-the hole in the sky snapped shut and for a second the sky around where that tear had been rippled like water in a pond, sorta like when you drop a rock in it. Then there came a sound like thunder and the sky was back the way it was before all that happened, except for a little, shiny dot that flashed really bright once in a while."

"Were you scared?"